Anger and Divorce

How to Prepare for Divorce

You have read all of the “keep it friendly” advice when it comes to divorcing your spouse.  In reality, you want him/her to fall off a cliff or move to some far off country when being eaten by a lion is a possibility.  Don’t worry!  Everyone has those feelings at some point before, during or after their divorce – and still managed to keep the divorce friendly.

Above all else, you need to keep control of your anger.  The last thing you want to do is give your soon to be ex any type of ammunition to use against you and prevent an amicable divorce. If you are both willing to work together, and you get angry and lose control, your spouse could decide to use that and go after more in the divorce, instead of focusing on compromising.

If you lose control and start screaming obscenities at your spouse that may be all he/she needs to decide to fight you tooth and nail on every decision relating to your divorce.  When you feel yourself losing control, walk away – run if you have to.  Call a trusted friend or family member and vent to them.  It isn’t good for you to keep all that anger inside, but it will be worse to let your spouse hear it.

Another reason to keep your anger from your spouse is you don’t want him/her to know they still have control over your life and your emotions.  Everyone needs time to heal, of course, but once you are separated, you need to start moving on with your life.  It is so hard to let go of hurt and anger, but the longer you hold onto those feelings, the longer your ex will have some control over you.

Some other ideas for letting go of your anger include writing a letter to your spouse.  Tell him/her everything you are thinking and then burn the letter.  It can be very therapeutic just to see your feelings on paper and then watching the anger go up in smoke.  Make a list of why you are angry at your spouse – list everything from how the trash was always your job to the wet towels on the floor.  Again, shred or burn the list.  It really can help you calm down just letting your feelings out without hurting anyone.

If the anger simply will not let go, think about talking to a counselor.  Anger is a terrible thing to live with constantly and you need to find ways to let it go.

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