Even if the divorce was your idea, you can expect to feel grief over the loss of your marriage. It is important to remember that it may be months before you feel grief. It does not occur at the same time or in the same degree for everyone. For some people, grief starts when they realize they are getting divorced, while others don’t experience grief until the process is over. Others may not feel the pain for months after it is final.
You need to realize that your grief is real to you and it is important to acknowledge your pain. Friends or family may tell you that you will be happier without your spouse and there is no reason to feel sad. Understand that they are only trying to help you as they do not want to see you in pain, but that everyone feels sadness with the end of a marriage. How you feel is right for you and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you to “snap out of it.”
How you deal with your grief will depend on your situation. If you wanted the divorce, the grieving stage may not last as long as for someone who had no idea the divorce was coming. Let yourself cry as you need to. Some people need to scream to let out their pain. Do what is right for you, but remember that your children are watching. If you need to scream, do it into a pillow or when they are not around. Children need to know it is ok to be sad, but they also need to know that everyone will be ok.
If your grief gets to the point where you cannot function with day to day activities, it is time to talk to your doctor or a therapist. Some people need more help than others to overcome sadness and depression. Never be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. Helping yourself will help your children, too.
For some people, working through their grief can be done by utilizing stress relieving activities such as deep breathing, exercise and meditation. One of the best stress relievers is simply laughing. Take your children to a park and play with them. A game of tag or a few minutes swinging as high as you can are great ways to feel better. Each day, your grief will lessen and one day, you will find yourself actually feeling happy. Give yourself plenty of time to reach that point.
If you are currently involved in a divorce and require legal guidance, before you spend thousands of dollars in legal fees, check out our ebook “What Your Divorce Attorney Probably Won’t Tell You.” This ebook details the things your divorce lawyer is likely to never tell you – the strategies, plans and attitudes you must adopt while filing for a divorce and the information you must amass in order to make educated decisions. Grab your copy here.