As sad as it is, after a divorce, friends often tend to take sides. Even if the friends know that neither spouse is to blame, they usually start spending more time, or talking to, one spouse more than the other. The truth is, they may not even realize they are doing it.
Divorce is hard enough without the added drama of trying to keep friends from choosing your ex over you. It is simply not worth it and if they want to be your ex’s friend, there is little you can do to stop it. Why would you even want to, unless you are seeking revenge on your ex? If you are only seeking to cause him/her pain, then you need to take a long look at yourself and begin to let go of your old life.
Some of your friends may disappear for a while during the divorce simply because they do not know what to say to help you or they are uncomfortable because they are happy when you are not. Your friends are in a difficult position, but it is still painful to discover they are more concerned with themselves than helping you. Only you can decide if you want to forgive those friends or move on to new friends who might be more loyal.
When you are ready to make new friends, there are many ways to find people who have the same interests as you do. If you aren’t sure where to start, try joining a gym. You will get some great exercise (and burn off stress) while being with people who have the same goals as you do. Return to your church or find a new one. Again, you may find relief from stress as you attend services and you will be around others with the same purpose.
If joining is not your cup of tea, volunteering may be the perfect fit for you. There are always places that need extra help, but can’t afford to hire employees. If you love animals, consider volunteering at an animal shelter. Those lonely animals could use your love. Or read to elementary school kids. You could do crafts or visit in a nursing home. Use whatever talents you have to connect with other people. You will feel better about yourself when you are helping others.
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