The decision to file for divorce is never an easy one. As unhappy or angry as you may be, choosing to change your life so dramatically is difficult. Even when both spouses agree they are not happy and that life would be better apart, the final decision is hard.
If you and your spouse can still communicate, you may want to try marriage counseling before choosing to divorce. Even if you still choose to divorce after counseling, you could learn valuable tools that will help you make the transition easier for you and your children. They should always be your top concern.
Staying together for the sake of the children is often cited as a reason for people to stay in unhappy marriages. Children are not as naïve as many parents like to think and often know more than they let on about the state of your marriage. My own children were ready for their father to leave a few years before we finally filed paperwork. They knew he was not treating me (or them) the way he should and his hurtful actions were hard on them.
I can certainly understand worrying about the effect of a divorce on your children, but I do think you should consider the effect of them growing up thinking that being married means screams, fights, disrespectful words and tears. They need to see what a real marriage looks like so they can model that for their own lives. I am not saying don’t consider your children in your decision – I am only suggesting that using your children as an excuse to not look for happiness might backfire in the long run.
You can talk to every person you know and each one will have a different reason for you to get divorced or to stay married. What has happened in their lives will affect their beliefs and while getting opinions is fine, ultimately, you will have to make the decision of whether to file for divorce on your own. No one else can choose for you. It might be easier if someone could, but it is your decision and you will have to stand behind your choice. Only you can know for sure when it is time to file for divorce.
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