Choosing to divorce is a huge step to take. No matter how unhappy you are, a divorce is harder than you think it will be. You will also need to give yourself time to heal afterward and not jump into another relationship right away. Before you give up on your marriage, consider trying to save it.
If you are even considering divorce, you have probably decided that there is no hope for your marriage, but why not at least try? Few marriages are perfect and most have gone through pain and trials you may know nothing about. Even marriages that have a spouse that has cheated can heal and be stronger than ever, if both spouses truly want to stay together.
Staying together will require a huge effort from both parties and a tremendous commitment to each other. Letting go of the pain and anger that has been part of your life for so long will not be easy. Most couples that are considering divorce, but decide to give their marriage one more try, need outside help.
Outside help does not mean discussing everything with your friends or family. It means finding a counselor that you are both comfortable with and being dedicated to the counselor’s suggestions. You can also make an appointment with a trusted clergy person who can listen as a neutral party and offer ideas to help heal your marriage. The most important thing is that you are both committed to rekindling the love you once felt for each other.
Another suggestion from couples who have found love again is to start spending time together without discussing your marriage. Remember what you enjoyed doing together and start doing them again. Go see a movie or cheer on your local college football team. Go for walks or plant a garden. The important thing during these “dates” is to look at your spouse as a person you are having fun with – not someone you are angry at. Will it be easy? No, not at all, but the most important things in life rarely are easy.
Touch each other in passing. Rub his shoulders or touch her hand while you are driving. Touching is very healing and can help you relax with each other. Give each other a hug goodbye. Yes, it may be awkward, but if it saves your marriage, it will be well worth a little discomfort.
Saving your marriage will not be a quick process. You cannot expect a relationship on the brink of divorce to be perfect in a few days. You need to give yourself plenty of time to try before choosing to file for divorce.