One thing most people never think about as they are going through a divorce is how they will feel when their ex begins to date. This may sound silly, but even couples who were desperately unhappy often feel jealousy when they hear about their ex dating. Jealousy and curiosity are understandable.
Before you get yourself worked up over nothing, remember that just because your ex is dating does not mean he/she will be getting serious any time soon. If you are not dating, it may come as a shock that they are, but everyone is ready to date at different times. This may be a sign that it is time for you to consider going out on a date, too, but only if you feel ready. Your ex may just be going out to have fun and may not be looking for anything serious.
If you have children, obviously your biggest concern may be what kind of person the new friend is. You can ask people who may know him/her, but don’t become a stalker. You also need to remember that everyone has an opinion about others and you won’t hear only truthful information. If you look too hard for information, you will find something you don’t like. Even if you do, the reality is, there is little you can do. Your ex has no reason to consult you about their dating life.
Again, jealousy is understandable. You and your ex may not have been the perfect pair, but for a long time, you belonged to each other. You don’t want anyone else to have what was yours. You will have to learn to forget about him/her being yours. Your divorce papers say they are free to love whomever they want, just like you are.
Another reason couples who have children become upset when their ex is dating is the fear that your children will love that other person more than you. After all, they will be the one who is having all the fun with the kids, while you are the one making the children do homework and chores. Your fears are unfounded as no matter how “cool” the other person is you will always be their parent. Nothing can change that or their love for you.
The best thing you can do when you discover your ex is dating is to try not to think about it too much. Your imagination will come up with more colorful pictures than reality ever is and you will just be torturing yourself. Go out, have fun and forget about your ex.
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