First off, congratulations for trying to resolve your differences with mediation instead of fighting in court for months. You have made a decision that will save you a lot of money and many months of stressful negotiations. Finding a divorce mediator is easier than you may think.
The easiest way to find a mediator would be to ask any of your divorced friends if they used a mediator. If so, you have a ready-made list of recommendations and can start making phone calls from that list. You can also check the internet or your local phone book. As many mediators are attorneys who have taken additional training, you may have to call lawyers and just ask if they are also mediators. Even if that lawyer isn’t, he/she may be able to give you the names of mediators in your area.
Once you have a list of possible mediators, you can follow the same procedure you use to find doctors or lawyers. Call and set up a time for you and your spouse to meet the mediator and see how comfortable each of you feels with this person. You will both have to share very personal information with the mediator and need to feel you can trust them completely.
Remember that once you find a mediator, your hard work is not over. You will still need to attend mediation meetings with your spouse to explain your wants and needs and to hear theirs. You do not have to take any advice of the mediator, but remember that they are completely neutral and are offering suggestions to keep you out of a prolonged court case. If you have any special needs, you are more likely to have your concerns heard in mediation than in court and both spouses can discuss how those needs, such as special visitation times, can be served in your divorce settlement.
Mediation is still hard, but it is much easier on both parties that a long, drawn-out divorce case. When you think you cannot reach an agreement, think about your children and how having the divorce final sooner would be better for them. You cannot go into mediation hoping to “win” – you have to use your mediator as an advisor and realize your “win” will be to have a faster, less expensive divorce.
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