How I Knew when to Divorce my Ex

Knowing when to get a divorce is an extremely personal decision and one no other person can make for you.  You will have to follow your own head and heart to make your choice.  While I am in no way advocating for you to choose divorce, maybe my story will help you in some way.

My ex was a good financial provider and to everyone else, he was a great dad and husband.  Appearances were everything to him and he expected us to keep those appearances, too.  We have three children together and two of them are disabled.  He didn’t get the perfect son he wanted and it become more obvious as the kids grew up that he resented it.


He decided our daughter was going to be his new “son” and for a few years, she tried to be just that, but when she had enough, he was not happy.  He had always been something of a control freak and did not appreciate her not doing what he wanted.  I also finally realized that what he had considered “funny” comments were abusive.  When I look back, I know that this is a good case for marrying too young.

I wasn’t happy, but everyone told me that I needed to consider trying to raise two special needs kids and work on my own. They told me he was a great guy and that I was too sensitive.  So I stayed.  Then one day, I saw an article about girls growing up and marrying men like their fathers and I knew I had to do something.

But, still I stayed.  It wasn’t until I realized that I could not picture any future that would be happy as long as he was in it that I seriously started thinking about divorce.  Then I realized that I could easily see my life without him and I would be perfectly happy being along the rest of my life.  I started counseling the next week and went for over six months as I tried to work through the guilt I felt.

I told him I wanted a divorce and he promised to change.  I gave him six more months and that only reinforced my choice.  He said he would never give me a dissolution and that he would fight everything I wanted and drag it out for years.  I was lucky that his brother stepped in and told him how things could really go in my favor.  He agreed to dissolution and a few months later, I was single again.

It was not easy – never let anyone tell you it will be.  I can honestly say I am happier that I have been in years and my kids are, too!  My attorney helped me so much and I hope yours does, too.

If you have questions about starting a divorce and require legal guidance, don’t hesitate to contact the Law Office of Rick D. Banks and schedule a confidential consultation. Call our Fresno office at (559) 222-4891.

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