Unfortunately, when a divorce occurs, the couple automatically stops talking to or caring about each other, unless there are problems with child support, visitation or spousal support. For many people, this is natural – after all, if you wanted to be your ex’s friend, you would have stayed married, right?
It is attitudes like this that prevent couples who might stay friendly from doing just that. Everyone else has an opinion on how you should be around your ex and it is hard to argue with your friends and family. It is hard to imagine that if you give yourself time to heal, you may actually still care about your ex. Immediately after the divorce, this may be extremely difficult, but after a few months of peace, it may be possible.
We are not suggesting that you and your ex become best buddies (although some couples can and will do this!) but you can stay friendly. Just think about how much more pleasant your life would be if you weren’t constantly fighting with your ex or thinking about how much you dislike his/her choices in life. If you have children, you will be in contact with your ex for many years (and if your children have special needs, you may be in contact for the rest of your life!).
If you and your ex were able to have an amicable divorce, staying friendly may be easier. Without months of fighting over the details of your settlement, it is more likely that you can at least be kind when you see your ex. Even if you had a bitter divorce it is still possible to remain friendly. You may need to take a complete break from each other for many months, or even years, before you can smile when you see him/her, but you can do it.
The best reason to stay friendly with your ex is your children. Remember that even if you are not together anymore, your children are the most important thing in either of your lives and you both want what’s best for them. What could be better than having two parents who love them enough to put the kids’ needs in front of their own? Just because you don’t love each other doesn’t mean your children have stopped loving either of you.
Staying friendly with your ex is also easier on you. Being angry with your ex for years can take a toll on your health. Let go of that anger and hurt because the truth is, it is only hurting you. You don’t have to spend a lot of time with your ex, but being able to smile and ask how he/she is when you see them can go a long way towards being friends.
If you are currently involved in a divorce and require legal guidance, before you spend thousands of dollars in legal fees, check out our ebook “Win your Divorce Workbook.” This ebook details the things you need to know before you file for divorce and how to get what you want and need in your divorce settlement. Grab your copy here.