Deciding to file for divorce is not an easy choice. When emotions are running high, it can seem easier to just call it quits and move on with your life. Pain and anger are hard to live for months at a time and the more tired you are, the better being alone can seem. You can ask everyone you know, but the reality is, the decision to divorce is yours alone (unless your spouse decides for you.)
Although many people believe that adultery is the leading cause of divorce, it is often not something that big that makes a person realize they want a divorce. For some, it is the realization that they are living separate lives in the same house and they want more than that. Between jobs, children and other responsibilities, it can be difficult to maintain that special relationship you had with your spouse.
When you feel lonely, it is easy to look around and think everyone else is happier than you are. When you feel rejected, it is hard to want to reach out to your spouse, but if you don’t try to reconnect, you may always wonder if you could have saved your marriage. The fact that you are questioning how you will know if you need a divorce means that there are reasons you want to stay.
Couples can drift apart. If this is what has happened to you and your spouse, you may need to be the one to reach out to your spouse. It won’t be easy as the fear of rejection will be strong, but you won’t know if you don’t try. Start small – touch your spouse as you walk by or hold hands as you watch TV. Talk about personal things – not just about the kids or your schedules.
If your spouse has done something to hurt you, you need to forgive him/her. You cannot expect to move on if you still harbor anger. On the flip side, if you have hurt your spouse, you need to ask for forgiveness to move on. You need to remind your spouse about your love a little at a time, not try to force your love on him/her. Give them time to think – clinging to him/her is not the way to fall in love again!
Obviously, there are times when a divorce is necessary. In the case of abuse or addiction, you may not be safe in the marriage. If you feel you are in danger, you need to be safe. Get help right away.
Many times, people who decide to divorce just wake up one morning and know it is time. If you don’t feel sure in your heart, then you need to keep trying. You will know when it is time to leave the marriage.
If you are currently involved in a divorce and require legal guidance, before you spend thousands of dollars in legal fees, check out our ebook “How to Stop your Divorce.” This ebook shares tips on how to decide if your marriage is really over, ideas on bringing back the love and where to turn for help in saving your marriage. Grab your copy here.