Life after a Divorce

The papers have been filed.  You have been to court.  Your divorce is finally over and you are free.  Now you have to move on with your life.  How do you do that when you are still hurting and angry?  By taking it one day at a time and knowing that you will feel better soon.

Everyone has been hurt at some point in their life.  You are no different and you will heal just as others do.  You cannot expect the pain from your divorce to be gone overnight, though, and need to understand that your divorce will affect you for the rest of your life.  This may seem scary, but thousands of other people have survived a divorce and you will, too.

You will need to take plenty of time to heal.  The last several months have been emotional, from crying to anger, and very stressful with all of the changes that have occurred in your life.  You need to let yourself feel these emotions, but not get pulled into them completely.  You will still hurt and you will still be angry, but as the days go by, both of these will lessen.  Your divorce is like a death of a loved one – it’s the death of your happily ever after dream.

Make time just for you.  Pick up old hobbies or learn new ones.  It can be very hard to find time just for you between children and work, but you need it.  Take a longer shower in the morning or sit on your back porch in the evening after the kids go to bed.  Leave home a little early to go to a school function and enjoy a few minutes of quiet in the car when you get there.  Sit back and close your eyes.  Learn to meditate or begin to exercise.

Never be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  Whether you need someone to watch the kids or just need someone to talk to, reach out to the people who care about you.  They want to help, but may be unsure of what you need or whether they will be intruding.  Don’t let your memories or thoughts of “what might have been” control your days.  You have some good memories – think about those once in awhile, but look forward to making new ones with your children and family.

Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel.  Everyone is different and you will have to handle your divorce in the way that suits you best.

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