People Think my Marriage is Perfect, but They don’t know the Truth

It is always difficult to decide when to file for divorce.  It is even more difficult when everyone thinks your marriage is perfect because your spouse is so good at hiding his/her true self from most people.  Your family may not even realize that you are being abused.

When most people think of abuse, they picture bruises in their minds, but the reality is, there are other types of abuse that are hidden and just as dangerous as physical abuse.  People who physically abuse others often have short tempers that people may have noticed so it is easier to believe they are hitting their spouse or children.

If you are the victim of verbal, mental or emotional abuse, it can be even harder to know when to divorce.  You often wonder if maybe you are being too sensitive, especially when your spouse says terrible things, then laughs and says they were only teasing – over and over again.  You hear it so often that you begin to believe you really are the problem.

How can you know when to divorce if people believe you have the perfect marriage?  It is a tough question, but you need to understand that the people who truly love you will support any decision you make.  If someone cannot love and support you, then that person does not deserve a place in your life.  You have to do what is best for you and your children, regardless of what anyone else may believe.

No one is saying filing for divorce will be easy and spouses who have been abused also have the added concern of their abuser becoming more violent.  If this is a concern that you have, make sure you talk to your lawyer as soon as possible about this.  Unfortunately, many people have used an abuse allegation against their spouse as a way to “get back” at them so your lawyer may question you about the abuse.  If you feel your attorney doesn’t believe you, find another attorney.

When your divorce becomes public knowledge, you need to be prepared for the comments that may be made.  You may be painted as the problem in the marriage.  Your first thought will be to try and “prove” your side of the story, but the reality is, you cannot prove anything to anyone – and you do not need to.  You know the truth and that is enough.  Let the people who make quick judgments walk out of your life and know you are better off without them.

It will not be easy, but do not let the fact that people believe your marriage is perfect force you to stay in an unhappy situation.  You deserve to be happy!

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