When most people think of divorce, they picture two people screaming at each other with no thoughts about who may be listening. In some divorces, this may be the case, but an amicable divorce is possible and should be what both parties want.
If you have been angry or hurt by your spouse, being kind may be the last thing on your mind. You want him/her to hurt as badly as you do and this is understandable. However, working towards an amicable divorce is in both parties best interest. Anger and pain only cause more anger and pain. Stress levels are high enough when you are going through a divorce. When you purposely try to cause more anger, your own stress will go up just as much as your spouse’s. An amicable divorce will be easier on you and you should think of that instead of how much you want to hurt someone else.
Perhaps the most important reason you should try to have an amicable divorce is if you have children. No parent wants their child to hurt and divorce is difficult enough on children without their parents trying to cause each other more pain. Even worse, some parents try to use their children against their spouse or tell their children nasty things that the children have no business hearing. Keep in mind that your children watch you to learn how they should react to difficult situations and you do not want them to see you causing pain. Your children do not want their parents to get a divorce, but imagine how much pain you can save them if you and your spouse try to work together for their good by choosing an amicable divorce instead of one filled with screaming and pain.
Another reason to try for an amicable divorce is to remember that, at some point, you loved your spouse so much you planned to spend the rest of your life with him/her. Try to remember some of that love, if only to help you not strike out at the other person. You may feel silly thinking about that lost love while you are fighting over child support and visitations, but you need to do whatever it takes to get through this extremely difficult time of your life. Your children need and deserve that from you.
An amicable divorce is possible, but only if both parties are willing to work hard to achieve it. Being kind to someone who has caused you pain will not be easy and there will be days you will want to strike out at him/her. Remember how much faster you can get your divorce if you do not spend months fighting over possessions that you only want because your spouse wants it. Try to let go of past hurts and remember your long term goal – to get an amicable divorce as quickly as possible so you can both move on with your lives.