Why Stay Calm when your Ex Isn’t

Divorce is an emotional time.  You are hurt, angry and just plain tired of dealing with everything.  It is easy to lose control of your temper, especially if your spouse is screaming at you.  No matter how much you want to yell back, losing your temper is never a good idea.  Staying calm is your best defense against your spouse.

It is only in rare instances that the blame for the divorce cannot be shared by both spouses.  Even if one had an affair, it may stem from the feeling neglected by their spouse.  The problem is that few people want to admit that they had anything to do with the divorce and that it is the other person’s fault.  While blaming your spouse may make you feel better, it will not help you work out the details of your divorce.

You want to keep your divorce as amicable as possible so you can make decisions with your spouse and design a settlement you are both happy with.  If you start screaming as soon as you see each other, you will end up in court and the divorce could drag out for years and the cost could reach thousands of dollars.

So, how do you stay calm and reasonable while your spouse is mad?  It won’t be easy but if you want a quick divorce, you will have to.  Take deeps breaths and count to ten – anything to distract you from what your spouse is saying.  When someone is that angry, they are more likely trying to hurt you than saying anything they expect a response to.  Think about how soon you will be free from this person or how blue the sky is outside.

You can try to discuss your spouse’s anger with them, but you may need help with this.  You can bring it up during a mediation session or try to have a mutual friend talk to him/her.  Often, if you directly ask him/her, it may feel like an attack and they may become even angrier.  Anger is the easiest emotion to show and often masks the true emotion.  Your spouse may by angry if they feel they are losing control of their life, fear of the unknown or even denial that the divorce is happening.

Regardless of why your spouse is angry, you will have to learn to ignore it.  Your spouse may calm down after a few weeks or your entire divorce may be angry.  Be kind to your spouse and keep control of your own temper.  You need to stay calm and reasonable so you can work through the details of the divorce.  If you are angry, you may not make the best decisions for you and your family.

If you are currently involved in a divorce and require legal guidance, before you spend thousands of dollars in legal fees, check out our ebook “What Your Divorce Attorney Probably Won’t Tell You.” This ebook details the things your divorce lawyer is likely to never tell you – the strategies, plans and attitudes you must adopt while filing for a divorce and the information you must amass in order to make educated decisions. Grab your copy here.

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