It is perfectly natural to want to blame your ex for your divorce. Few people can admit they have made mistakes to themselves – they certainly don’t want anyone else to think they were at fault. The problem with the blame game is that you cannot move on with your life until you forget the blame and focus on the future.
You can spend months blaming your ex for everything. You think he/she should have spent more time with you. Maybe they spent too much money or ignored the children. They worked too hard or not hard enough. They were never home or home all the time. They ignored, criticized, or suffocated you. The list goes on and on and all the while, you are stuck in an unhappy past instead of looking for a happy future.
Just as bad as blaming your spouse is if you constantly blame yourself for the divorce. You may think, “what if…” a lot or “I should have…” We all feel like that at times and having these thoughts once in a while is ok. What isn’t ok is to constantly be thinking about who is at fault for the divorce.
Sometimes, both spouses are to blame. Maybe they didn’t focus enough on each other or grew apart. This is no one’s fault and you shouldn’t try to find a reason your marriage ended. It is over and now is the time for you to move on with your life.
If you can’t stop playing the blame game, it is time to get help to deal with your divorce. You may be depressed and need more help to look towards your new life as a single person. A counselor can help you learn ways to cope with your divorce. For some people, admitting they need help is too difficult, but there is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help.
Moving on with your life is going to be difficult. Anyone who has gone through a divorce will tell you that. You need to look for ways to distract yourself from blame. You could start exercising or pick up a new hobby. Now is a great time to join a church or to get more involved in the one you belong to. The important thing is for you to find something to think about besides whose fault the divorce was and begin your new life.
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