Divorce is always going to be a stressful time in your life, regardless of the situation regarding family. However, if there are children involved, then the entire process can become very messy, particularly if they are old enough to know what is going on and to ask questions about what it means. In fact, studies have repeatedly shown that custody of the children is one of the most difficult and stressful aspects of a divorce, with the other main problem being money.
When the kids are old enough to understand that the two of you will be separating, you should expect that they will have questions. This is going to be a difficult time for them too, so don’t just brush aside their concerns. Try to answer their questions honestly, but without insulting your spouse, as this will only make the situation worse. If you are able to talk to the kids about what is happening, they are less likely to worry.
Worrying, for kids, can have a profound impact on their development and on their behavior in the future. The longer the process goes on, the more severe this will be. The divorce, if it ends up taking a long time, will of course be taking its toll on you, too. This will probably make you even less inclined to spend time explaining the situation to the children.
While it is inevitable that you and your spouse will argue and insult each other when you are talking to your friends, it is extremely important that you avoid doing this if there is a chance that the children might hear you. This means that they can become stuck in the middle, having to choose between you, which is always going to be a difficult situation.
Therefore, it would be highly advisable for both you and your spouse to find a lawyer each. This enables all negotiations to be carried out calmly and professionally. In fact, you don’t even have to speak to each other in person during the entire divorce negotiation process. Assuming that one of you has moved out of the family home, this means that the children will no longer have to listen to arguments about who they will be living with after the divorce, or any of the other issues that have to be sorted out. This, while perhaps expensive, means that everything can be sorted out much more quickly and there is less stress for everyone involved.
Don’t forget to ask the kids when it comes to sorting out issues regarding custody. If they are old enough to know what is going on, then they are old enough to give their opinions. They may prefer to live with one parent rather than the other, and this should be taken into consideration. If their opinions are heard, then this will make it much easier for them to adjust to the idea of their parents getting divorced. This, in turn, will make the situation much easier for you.