This is perhaps the most difficult question you will ever face. You may feel you have had it and are done with the marriage. Maybe your spouse cheated on you and you feel you cannot forgive him/her. Perhaps you are always fighting over money or in-laws or how to raise your children. The list of reasons to divorce may be too long to overcome and you need to know how to decide when to get a divorce.
The first thing most people do is talk to others about their pain. They fill their friends’ ears with everything their spouse has done to hurt them or make them angry. Nothing is too small to not share, from a spouse who will not take out the trash to one that watches too much television. You are angry and you want your friends or family to justify that you should be angry. Because they love you and may not know your spouse as well, they want to help you decide when to get a divorce.
The problem with asking other people how to decide when to get a divorce is that they are only hearing your side of the story and they want you to be happy. They may not consider your spouse’s feelings because they are only thinking about you and your pain. Friends and family want you to know that they will support you no matter what you decide and may not be able to give you any perspective on how to decide when to get a divorce. Their only concern is for you.
If you truly need help in deciding when to get a divorce, try talking to someone who is a neutral third party. Many people talk to their religious leader or go to a counselor who specializes in marital problems. Some couples go to counseling together, but if only one person is considering divorce, that may not be possible. Even if your spouse will not go, talking to a counselor can help you through this difficult decision. After talking, you may feel that your marriage deserves another chance or it may become clearer to you that you have decided it is time to divorce.
It does not matter how many people you talk to or how many books you read. In all reality, you are the only one who can decide when to get a divorce. Only you can choose what you are willing to live with or forgive from another person. What one person would never be able to forgive may be something that you can live with. Some habits may be deal breakers to your friends, but really do not bother you as much. Deciding to get a divorce is an extremely personal decision and one you will have to make it all by yourself.