The Most Common Questions

How Do You Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce?

The very best option is going to be to have a spouse who is going to be completely on board with the decision and who knows that it is going to be the best choice. However, that’s not always the case. When you tell someone that you want to get a divorce, it can cause some tense situations and some resistance.

You should make sure that he or she knows and understands that the both of you have been suffering in the relationship because it is not working. If you believe that things really can change, you might want to give your spouse a chance to remedy the situation. Of course, this is not going to work in all instances, and many times you are going to have to keep on pushing through with the divorce.

Try to make your spouse understand the situation by eliminating the animosity, even if you might feel it. Make things as amicable and as pleasant as you are able.

What is the Legal Process for Divorce?

The very first thing that you are going to want to do is visit an attorney who will be able to help you through the process. He or she will be able to explain the law and your rights and will be able to file your petition for divorce for you. Once you file the petition, the waiting period begins. This waiting period varies based on the state you are in, so make sure your attorney is clear about this.

While you are waiting, you will be able to start working out the legal arrangements and details with your spouse and you will be able to return to your attorney who will be able to look everything over and make sure it is all in order. When the waiting period finishes, you will be able to finalize the divorce at the court.

When you and your spouse are able to agree, it makes the entire divorce process go much faster. The process can seem to last forever when there is bickering and fighting.

What Happens If You Are Unable to Agree to the Terms?

The reason that some divorces are so problematic is that people are unable to agree to the terms, and it can be difficult to find the right solution. Too often, people are fighting to make sure that they get everything they want, and they are too stubborn to come together to talk and to reach a reasonable agreement.

One of your best options in these instances is to choose a non-adversarial attorney who is going to be able to represent you and help you and your spouse utilize the law to come to solutions for your problems. This is often better than hiring an attorney that’s out for blood!

How Does One Find Non-Adversarial Attorneys?

When you are searching for an attorney, you want to have one who is going to be able to represent you well, but you want to make sure that you are not choosing someone who is going to drag out the court process. Look for an attorney that also offers mediation and collaborative law. This can make everything proceed more easily.

How Can You Stop the Divorce?

Most of the time, there is nothing that you can do or should do to stop the divorce. If things are bad, and there is no sign of them getting better, trying to force a marriage to stay together is only going to lead to anger and resentment. When the divorce is inevitable, you just have to let it happen.

However, for those who do want to save their marriage, they have to start working on the relationship as soon as they realize there is trouble. Create a happier environment and try to find the underlying cause of the problems and resolve them on your own. In some cases, it is possible to retrieve a marriage from the brink. However, that’s not always the case. Even if you are willing to make changes, your spouse might not want to do so. If you cannot heal the relationship, then you have to let it go. It may be painful, but it is going to be the healthiest option in the end.

 How Does One Heal the Pain?

Of course, going through a divorce is going to be a sad and trying time, even when you might have been the one who pushed for the divorce. You are giving up a portion of your life, times are changing, and that can be scary and hurtful all at once. It is a good idea to try to release those negative feelings in healthy ways, whether it is crying or getting out and exercising.

Understand the dilemma of this kind of pain and realize that it is not going to vanish overnight. You will feel waves of the undulating pain and sadness course through you quite often in the early days of the separation and divorce, and this is normal. You will probably feel them for some time. Just acknowledge the pain and acknowledge the fact that the divorce was the best solution for you. Eventually, it will go away.

How Do You Let Go of Resentment Toward a Spouse?

Feelings of anger and resentment can lead to distrust and hate. You might feel as though you hate your spouse, and that’s something that many go through when they are getting a divorce. This can be destructive on many levels though. First, it can prohibit one from going through the legal process of divorce with head squarely on shoulders. Second, it can cause pain and hurt in your other relationships as well.

Often, those who have been hurt are going to start to build up defenses so that it does not happen to them again. One might fear relationships, and one might fear that they were the blame and that it could happen all over again, which stops them from ever being truly happy.

You have to accept the pain of the divorce and let go of that anger and resentment. If you do not, it has the power to haunt you for many years to come, and it can surely damage future relationships.

How Can You Go Through a Divorce with Just One Attorney?

Most of the time, both you and your spouse will have an attorney. To do otherwise would be a conflict of interest. Yet, you do have an option. You and your spouse, if you want to have an uncontested divorce, could work with an attorney who will be able to handle the paperwork for you. If you are getting along well with your spouse, then this is not going to be an issue. You will be able to sort through your property and separate it on your own, and even come up with a custody arrangement if you have children. Once you have your agreement in place, you can go back to the lawyer, and he or she will take care of the paperwork.

The attorney will only be able to represent one of your technically though. However, the lawyer will likely be willing to visit with the both members of the relationship at the same time so that everyone is on the same page. You will be able to visit with the attorney and together you can ask your questions and make sure you meet all of the arrangements so that everyone is happy.

Of course, if you have any questions about the process, or you find that you worry too much that the attorney will take your spouse’s side, then you should certainly speak with another attorney. Get the right legal advice so you can make it through your divorce.